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A sunny day in the park.  There is a single bench CENTRE  stage.  GOD is sitting on the LEFT side of the bench.  He has long, white hair and a long, white beard, and is wearing a simple white robe.  He is reading a newspaper.  Enter PETER from the RIGHT.   He is wearing black pants, leather shoes, a white shirt and a garish, comical tie.  He is carrying a paper bag.  PETER sits on the bench next to GOD, setting his bag next to him.  He folds his hands and admires the weather.

PETER.  Beautiful weather today.
GOD [focusing on his newspaper]. Mm-hm.
PETER. [Extending his hand] The name’s Peter.
GOD [shaking PETER’s hand]. God.

[GOD returns his attention to his newspaper.]

PETER. Um… God?
GOD.  Yes?
PETER. Not to be rude, but… your name is God?
GOD. I am God.  Or at least I was God.
PETER. I… see.
GOD. You don’t believe me.
PETER. Would you?
GOD. No.  But it doesn’t matter whether or not you believe in me.  I’m not God anymore.
PETER. Why not?
GOD. I stopped.
PETER. You stopped being God?
GOD.  Yes.  It was far too stressful.
PETER.  How can you stop being God?
GOD.  I’m God, I can do anything.  Or at least I could do anything.
PETER. Can you go back to being God?
GOD.  No.  I can’t do everything anymore.
PETER. Because you’re not God anymore.
GOD.  Haven’t we been over this already?
PETER. Sorry.


PETER [muttered to himself, shaking his head].   God.
GOD.  What is it?
PETER.  Nothing, I only-
GOD.  You want proof, don’t you?  You people always want proof.
PETER.  Well-
GOD.  Fine.  Here.  Your name is Peter Keyes.  Your birthday was yesterday.  You turned thirty.  Shall I go on?
PETER [sputtering].   What… how did…
GOD.  Because I remember.   I used to know everything.  That included the little things.
PETER.  So you really are…
GOD.  Was.  And by the way, that secretary you always flirt with used to be a man.

[There is a pause.  GOD returns his focus to his newspaper. PETER takes out a sandwich from his bag.  He takes a bite and chews it, his glances constantly going back to GOD.]

PETER [after swallowing his bite]. So, God.  What’s it like in Heaven?
GOD.  It’s alright.
PETER. “Alright”?  It’s only “alright”?
GOD.  You might like it.
PETER.  I “might”?
GOD. You have a very annoying habit of repeating what I say, did you know that?
PETER. I’m just surprised that eternal salvation is only “alright”.
GOD.  It’s not much worse than where you go if you’ve sinned.
PETER [taking another bite of his sandwich]. Hell?
GOD.  Quebec.
PETER [Stops in mid-chew]. Quebec.
GOD.  Yes.
PETER. The province.
GOD.  The one and only.
PETER.  That’s where you go if you’ve sinned.
GOD [nodding]. Quebec.
PETER.  I thought the bible said “hell”.
GOD.  That’s a typo.
PETER.  You make the mysteries of the universe seem very simple.
GOD.  They are.
PETER [leaning]. Alright then… here’s another one for you.
GOD.  Go ahead.
PETER.  How did the universe begin?
GOD.  I don’t know.  It was here when I got here.
PETER.  When you… got here?  You mean you haven’t always been around?
GOD.  I’ve always been around.  And since I need somewhere to exist, the universe has always been around as well.  We pretty much arrived here at the same time.
PETER.  Not even you know how the universe came into being?
GOD.  Is it important?
PETER.  Well…
GOD.  Is it required knowledge for your day to day existence?
PETER.  Well, no, but…
GOD.  Then who cares?
PETER.  Never mind.   [Finishes his sandwich, and notices the article GOD is reading] I heard about that.  Nine dead, twenty three injured?  What a shame.
GOD.  Yeah, sucks to be them.
PETER [incredulously]. Sucks to be them?   Shouldn’t you be a little bit more compassionate?
GOD.  Why?  I don’t know them.
PETER.  But… but you’re God!
GOD.  Was God.
PETER.  Are, was, what does it matter?  I would think that even a former supreme being would be more empathetic.
GOD.  It’s not like I had anything to do with it.
PETER.  People died!
GOD.  Montreal is nice this time of year.
PETER.  Were you like this when you were still God?
GOD.  More or less.  You’d be surprised how quickly you tire of altruism.
PETER.  So you just sat back and let people suffer?
GOD.  No, I delegated suffering detail to a couple underlings.  I mostly worked with irony.
PETER.  Like what?
GOD.  Like the one time I hit a guy with a truck while he was chasing after his winning lottery ticket.
PETER.  That’s horrible!
GOD.  It’s funny, and you know it.  I got tired of it eventually, anyway.
PETER.  I thought you were a being of infinite patience.
GOD.  There are many misconceptions.
PETER.  So who’s in charge now that you’re gone?
GOD.  Ian.  He’s a dick.
PETER.  …Ian.
GOD.  Yeah.  Watch your step with Ian.
PETER.  Who’s Ian?
GOD.  The Supreme Being now, I suppose.
PETER.  Was he an angel?
GOD.  Yeah.  He’s also a complete dick.
PETER.  I’m guessing you don’t like him.
GOD.  No one really did.  He’d always ask for money and then never pay us back.  And he smelled.
PETER.  So how did he become God?
GOD.  It just turned out that way.
PETER.  Arbitrarily?
GOD.  Not entirely.  He won the raffle.
PETER.  There was a raffle to decide who would become God…
GOD.  I won a toaster.
PETER.  …And now the new God… is a dick.
GOD.  Yeah.  Watch your step.
PETER.  How so?
GOD.  He’s letting the new position get to his head.  So just watch out for the minor stuff.  Floss after every meal, don’t step on the cracks, that kind of thing.
PETER.  How do I know what to do and what not to do?
GOD.  He’ll probably kill your dog or set your house on fire or something.
PETER.  What!
GOD.  He was never subtle.
PETER.  That’s terrible!
GOD.  By the way, what kind of sandwich was that?
PETER.  Uh, ham and cheese.

[GOD winces.]

PETER.  What?  What is it?
GOD.  Ian's a vegan.
PETER.  He is?

[A fire engine siren is heard nearby.]

GOD.  That’ll be for you.
PETER [rising]. My house!
GOD.  I hope nothing important was in there.
PETER.  Everything was in there!
GOD.  Well, not anymore.
PETER.  I don’t believe this…
GOD.  Sit down, you’re making me nervous.
PETER.  I’m making you nervous?  I’m making you nervous?   Well excuse me, but my house just burned down due to a deity’s culinary tastes!
GOD.  You’ll get used to it.
PETER.  I’ll get used to something horrible happening after doing something minor?
GOD.  You don’t have much choice, do you?

[PETER attempts to formulate a retort, but finds himself unable.  He picks up his bag.]

PETER.  This is your fault, you know.
GOD.  Oh sure, blame me.
PETER.  It’s your fault the universe is now ruled by a… a tyrant.
GOD.  It’s always my fault.  You humans are always looking for a scapegoat, and it’s almost always me.  You should be more like platypuses.
PETER.  Platypuses?
GOD.  Platypuses.  I mean, just look at them.  They’re ridiculous.  But I never hear a complaint out of them.  Not one.
PETER.  That’s because they’re not capable of complaints.
GOD.  I suppose you think of that as a bad thing.
PETER.  I think of sentient thought as a good thing.
GOD.  Enabling you to complain?

[A cell phone rings.  GOD takes it from a pocket, but does not answer it.  He allows it to ring again.  And again.  And again.]

PETER [with sudden impatience]. Are you going to answer that?
GOD.  I always let the phone ring a few times.  Keeps them on their toes.
PETER.  “Them”?

[GOD puts a finger to his lips to silence PETER and finally answers the phone.]

GOD.  Talk to me.  Mm-hm.  Mm-hm.  Uh-huh.  Yeah.  Yeah, alright, I’ll be there in five.  See you then.   [Putting his cell phone away, getting up] It’s been nice talking to you, Paul.
PETER.  Peter.
GOD.  Whatever.  Maybe we’ll see each other again some time.
PETER.  Hmph.   [Goes to exit RIGHT]
GOD.  Oh, and Peter…
PETER.   [Stopping] What?
GOD.  Ian hates novelty ties.

[PETER opens his mouth to say something, but suddenly freezes.  He clutches at his heart and falls to the ground.  GOD walks to his body and nudges it with his foot, then takes his pulse.]

GOD.  Oh my.   [Into PETER’s ear, loudly, as if that would make him be heard] BE SURE TO VISIT LA RONDE.

[GOD looks at the body for one more second, shrugs, and exits stage LEFT.]

[Lights out for three seconds.]

[Lights on.
PETER rises, moaning and clutching his heart. DEATH stands over him.]

[DEATH is dressed in black robes and sandals and carries a scythe.]

PETER.  Ugh… what just happened?
DEATH.  You died.  Heart attack.
DEATH.  Yup.
DEATH.  Mm-hm.

[Awkward pause.]

PETER.  Well?
DEATH.  Well what?
PETER.  Don’t I go somewhere now?
DEATH [taking a seat on the RIGHT of the bench].   Uh… I guess you could go down to that Tim Hortons and grab me a coffee or something.
PETER [annoyed].   That’s not what I meant.
DEATH.  Well what do you want?
PETER.  I’m dead!  You’re supposed to take me to heaven or… Quebec, I guess.
DEATH.  Oh, that.


Yeah, I’m not going to do that.

[DEATH kicks off his sandals and reclines on the bench]

PETER [visibly annoyed, but keeping himself in check].   And why not?
DEATH.  Well, today’s my last day, and to be honest, I don’t really care.
PETER.  Don’t tell me you’re quitting like God did.
DEATH.  Oh no, no.  It doesn’t work that way.  I’m not the only Death.
PETER.  There’s more than one Death?
DEATH.  Well, yeah.  You think one guy could handle all the deaths in the world himself?  Do you believe in Santa Claus, too?
PETER.  At this point, I’m willing to believe anything.
DEATH.  I’m only one Death out of many.  At least until tomorrow.  I’m quitting.  Nothing but a glorified taxi service, if you ask me.
PETER.  So what happens to me?
DEATH.  I dunno.  You could hang around here for a while.
PETER.  How long is “a while”?
DEATH [considering it].   Probably… eternity, more or less.
PETER.  Eternity!
DEATH.  Thereabouts.
PETER.  That’s a little bit longer than “a while”.
DEATH.  Well if you’re going to get all linguistic on me…
PETER.  I think I have a valid reason to be upset.
DEATH.  What do you want me to do?
PETER [exasperated].   Your job!
DEATH.  That’s not happening.
PETER.  What will you do, then?  I need to go somewhere.
DEATH [sitting up].   Alright, alright, don’t get your panties in a bunch.  Let me get some friends, we’ll sort this out.

[DEATH rises and begins to exit.]

PETER.  This would be a lot easier if you just did what you were supposed to do.
DEATH [as he exits RIGHT].  Wah, wah, wah.

[PETER takes a seat on the far LEFT of the bench. DEATH re-enters from the RIGHT followed by JESUS and SATAN.  JESUS is wearing a white robe and has a golden halo around his head, but looks bitter.  An unlit cigarette dangles from his lips. SATAN is wearing a black trenchcoat, over a black shirt, black pants and black boots.  The paleness of his skin is accentuated by his black make-up.]

PETER.  That was quick.
DEATH [to JESUS and SATAN, gesturing toward PETER].  That’s the guy.  Work your magic, do what you do.  I’m out.

[DEATH exits RIGHT.  JESUS crosses to stand at Peter’s LEFT.  JESUS looks him over, scowling.  Finally, JESUS nudges PETER in the ribs, slightly harder than necessary.]

JESUS.  Shove over.
PETER [moving over as JESUS sits on the bench’s LEFT].   You’re…  Jesus?
JESUS [taking a lighter from his pocket].   What about it?
PETER [as JESUS lights the cigarette].   You smoke?
JESUS.  Oh fuck, don’t tell me you're one of those shitheads.  If you don’t like the smoke, move to the bench over there, asshole.

[SATAN takes a seat on Peter’s RIGHT, taking up the remaining space on the bench.  He takes a notepad and pencil from within his trenchcoat and begins to write.]

PETER [dryly, to JESUS].  You seem surly.
JESUS.  Shut up.
SATAN [deep in thought, tapping his pencil against his lips as he mutters to himself] Pain… rain… brain… [nodding] brain.

[SATAN continues writing. PETER looks over his shoulder.  When SATAN notices, he quickly covers up his work.]

SATAN.  What?
PETER.  I was just seeing what you were writing.
SATAN.  It’s poetry.  Personal poetry.  You wouldn’t understand, nobody will understand, nobody ever understands…

[SATAN trails off into silence.  Suddenly, with a furor, he rips out the page he was writing on, crumples it into a ball and throws it aside.  He begins to write anew. PETER looks to his left at SATAN, looks at JESUS, then looks at SATAN again.  He is not impressed.]

PETER.  Are you guys here for a reason, or should I just…
JESUS [interrupting].   Shut up!  I’m not done my cigarette.
PETER.  Forget your stupid cigarette.
JESUS [flabbergasted at PETER’s audacity] What did you say to me?
PETER.  I said-
JESUS [loudly] What did you say to me?
PETER.  I said-

[JESUS punches PETER in the face.]

PETER [clutching his jaw].   Christ!
JESUS [mostly to himself].   Fucking punk.
SATAN [to himself, as he writes] My heart is like… charcoal… black… and brittle… except… not used… to fuel… small barbecues… except the barbecue… of death’s embrace…

[SATAN looks over his poem.  He rips it out, crumples it up, throws it aside, and starts writing again. PETER ignores him, and is staring at JESUS, fuming.  JESUS takes a final drag and throws the butt aside.]

PETER [venomously].   Are you done now?
JESUS [calling].   Satan.  Satan!

[SATAN does not hear, or chooses not to hear. JESUS fishes into his pocket for his lighter, which he throws at SATAN’s head.  That gets his attention.]

JESUS.  Stop writing that shit, we have things to do now.  And give me my lighter back.

[Grumbling, SATAN puts away his poetry and hands JESUS back his lighter.]

JESUS.  Now, I’m to assume you’re dead.
PETER.  How observant of you.
JESUS [raising his fist]. Don’t get smart with me, asshole, unless you want more of this.  Can I continue?  Hm?  Are you finished?  Is it my turn to talk now?

[PETER is silent.]

JESUS.  As I was saying, you are dead.  As such, you need somewhere to go to spend the rest of the afterlife.  That means you either come with me, or with… him.

[JESUS gestures toward SATAN, who is ravenously biting his fingernails.  SATAN shoots them a glance but doesn’t stop.]

It is my place to judge you.  Got that?  I decide.
PETER [under his breath].   Oh, joy.
JESUS.  Now, I need to think about this.

[JESUS rises, and briefly paces back and forth.]

Okay, I’ve decided.
PETER.  And?
PETER.  I’m not going to heaven?
PETER.  Why not, if I may ask?
JESUS.  I don’t like your face.
PETER.  Excuse me?  You’re judging my eternal fate based on that?
JESUS.  Don’t bitch about it.  I was asked to make a decision, and I did.
PETER.  You can hardly call that an informed decision.
JESUS.  Look, I don’t need this shit, okay?  I made the choice, deal with it.  I’m leaving.

[JESUS exits RIGHT.  PETER is stunned.]

PETER.  What just happened?
SATAN.  Death.  We’re only corpses, waiting to die.  Waiting for the blackness.  The blackness of your soul to-
PETER.  Stop that.
SATAN.  Why?  Am I frightening you?  Am I stirring your deepest, darkest emotions?
PETER.  No, not really, but that poetry is terrible.
SATAN.  It… it is?
PETER.  It’s horrible.
SATAN.  Horrible like… death?  Like maggots eating out the remains of your liver while your loved ones watch?
PETER.  No, horrible as in it sucks.
PETER.  What’s with you, anyway?  I envisioned Satan a little differently.  As a matter of fact, I pictured both of you differently.   [Rubbing his jaw, looking offstage where Jesus left]  Very differently.
SATAN [with a sigh, dropping the persona].   That’s because we’re a bit… new at this.
PETER.  New?  How can you be new at this?
SATAN.  We were only hired recently.  There was a change in management.
PETER.  Ian.
SATAN.  Yeah, how did you know?
PETER [laughing despite himself].   Ian.
SATAN [edging away].   Uh… are you okay, buddy?
PETER [laughing hard now].   Ian!
SATAN.  Alright, well… if you’re ready to leave with me, we can go now.
PETER [getting himself under control].   No.  No, I’m fine here.
SATAN.  You’re staying here?
PETER.  I’m staying.
SATAN.  You’re sure of that?
PETER.  I’m sure.
SATAN [with a shrug].   Your call.

[SATAN rises and exits to the RIGHT.  PETER, now content with where he is, reclines on the bench and admires his eternal surroundings, smiling.  He then notices his bagged lunch, which is still on the ground.  He picks it up, sits back down, and begins eating an apple as…]

[Curtains fall.]

**I HAVE REVISED THE FIRST HALF OF THIS PLAY because I think the one here is pure ass. The other one is still ass, but less so. So look there, especially if you plan on performing this!**


AKA, Park Bench Philosophy V2.0

I continued writing where the original "Park Bench Philosophy" left off (when Peter dies) and ended up with a one-act play. I deleted the first version and changed the name.

La Ronde is an amusement park in Montreal.

Better/worse than the original? Comments and criticisms are welcome.

10/3/05: I've changed Death's line " Uh… I guess you could go down to that Starbucks and grab me a coffee or something." to say "Tim Hortons" instead of "Starbucks". I'm Canadian, and in my mind the play is set in Canada, so it makes more sense to me. For those not in the know, Tim Hortons is a national chain of coffee shops that sell coffee, baked goods, soups and sandwiches and here in Canada is the equivalent to Starbucks in the States (which is nowhere near as popular here). The only reason I'm announcing this is because so many people have asked me for permission to use the script, many of whom I'm assuming are not Canadian. Therefore if you plan on using the script (noting me first, of course, if you haven't already) and you have no idea what a Tim Hortons is, you can keep the original line.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2005-03-08
Fate by ~barnabus

It's not often that a DA piece can produce genuine laughter, but this short play definitely fits that bill. Contains sparkling wit, dazzling invention, and dialogue that is easy, breezy readin'. ( Suggested by mindmasher and Featured by ndifference )
equinox412 Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2015  Student Artist
This is noice! I wish we could do something like this in my class...
DiabolaExMachina Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Quebec? That's it? Cool! I can be a glutton again! :D

...Better start learning French...
Minnie-Mocha Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I laughed SO HARD at this. <3 My favourite line... "I won a toaster."
dezuyate Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
UnperfectStranger Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2011
Hell? In Quebec? I knew it ><
Vinnythefox Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2011
Well written.
crazyfangirl2 Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2011
OMG Jesus was priceless.............:XD: this was AMAZING......
Rainbow-Mystique Featured By Owner May 11, 2011
I was laughing my *** off from start to finish. This is truly the work of a genius. xD

:lmao: Absolutely love it! :love:
ADelibirdAppeared Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This made my day, I love how God acts xD
tgchan Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2011
lol this story was so awesome !!! it made my day!!!!

I was crying before reading it and when I was reading it I was smiling ;)
xxBlackCatXIIIxx Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2011
awesome, I would pay to see this too :D
I don't like your face, you go to hell.
Great idea :)
crazyfangirl2 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2011
I would pay money to see this. A lot of money, too. :XD: Freakin' hilarious!
Theif-of-Zydrate Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2011  Student General Artist
This is classic! Great!
Would you so possibly mind me pulling some people together and performing it/videotaping it?
pixie-chan-bleh Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
ah this was wonderful! mind intriguing and funny! =] good job! (Y)
ArchArad Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2010
I would love to see this performed somewhere.

This is well-written with the simplicity of the scene allowing the story to focus entirely on the characters. Well paced, snappy dialogue and great makeovers to familiar faces.

Arabellaten Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2010  Student General Artist
*says with quivering lips* Jesus being a jerk...?

That would suck.

twilight-tiger Featured By Owner May 30, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
That was cool ^^ I liked the contrast between Satan and Jesus. Even I expected them to be totally different XD
comicnerd635 Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2010
Pretty good. The Satan character was pretty predictable. All things considered, so was Jesus, God, and Death (this whole concept doesn't really break new ground, although you clearly weren't trying for that anyway) but it was handled well enough that I don't mind.
only-dancers-fly Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2010  Student Writer
this is incredible!! I loved the new personas and how something as wildly controversial as new management of the universe is taken in such light. makes it all the more hilarious :)
paperthought Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2009
it's just -wow. amazing. ironic.
love this one.


"better to burn out, than to fade away." [kurt cobain]
ediercks Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2009
This was awesome. Thank you for entertaining me.
zeag1273 Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2009
nice i love it
Psycho-Pomp Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2009   Writer
Oh my Ian. What an awesome piece of work.
Caysi Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2009
it made my day...
you don't know why...
vampireknightfan Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2009  Student Writer
YAY! I love this!!!! I read this one but forgot to comment on it but I love this! This is so good!

I love the bit where God and Peter are talking about Quebec. That is so classic!
beetsoup Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2009
I couldn't help smiling as I read it,
especially with the whole shtick with Quebec as Hell.
It's irreverent, quirky and totally unexpected.
I really do hope I see this performed live someday.
McBaa Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Fantastically written, and a wonderful idea. I'll have to be careful to not to wear novelty ties anymore! XD
sun-set-999 Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2009
i LOVE this script!!! its the best ever lol its SO funny. i would have never thought of something like this. i love the whole idea of how God is and all the other characters. absolutely brilliant and clever and Tim Hortons RULE!!! lol
The-Killjoy Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2009
By far the most humorous literature I've read in a long time. The entire cast reminds me of a few "acquaintances." A great short play with a strong message about leadership, responsibility, and conflicting emotions. Excellent work. :+fav:
xo-pnkrckprncss-ox Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2009
oh wow that was great. high five to you!
Athyan Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2009
Do you mind if I pull together some guys to perform this at my college?
oh my jesus! this was too great. def an amazing piece of work...i cant wait to go to quebec. =)
HeySeuss-BlessYou Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2009
Would you be willing to let me make this into an actual video?
grasstain Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2008
oh this is horrible.
i love Jesus!
but its so funny...good job.
musiciandwords Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
xxThisModernLovexx Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2008
i love this so much...
i'd have its babies if that wasnt weird
and frowned upon in most cultures.
but seriously, this is brilliant.
kudos for making my day :]
ipunchbabies Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2008
I found this to be incredibly amusing.
IStoleTheDolphins Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2008
My kind of satire. I love it. Now if I could just see it performed.
Susanna-Rosmerta Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2008
This is great!

My favorite part:
PETER. I thought the bible said “hell”.
GOD. That’s a typo.
Scary-Hugs Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2008
I'm from Michigan. We have Tim Horton's here. I fucking love Iced cappucinos.

YOU'RE AWESOME!!! This made me roll on the floor laughing, in almost a literal sense.
Very, very well done.
flowerpuff Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2008  Student Digital Artist
HA that was too funny! i love the light humor of it all. i guess not everything is as what people want it to be.

The part with Quebec made me laugh. Dam that typo lol
sd-stock Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2008  Hobbyist Photographer
That is genius.
TheBisexualPenguin Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2008
I feel special! I'm not Canadian and I knew what Tim Horton's was/is!! Course, my girlfriend lives in Canada >.>
But still! That was Magnificent!! It made me laugh, a ton.
zwelt Featured By Owner May 5, 2008  Student General Artist
i'm canadian and am excited to try out this hilarious skit with my friend. if not then i would love to at least do a comic cause i have some hilarious faces in my head to fit the lines. i would, of course, credit you. thanks :D
lxwasabixl Featured By Owner May 4, 2008  Student Writer
I loved it
Mikeplayboy Featured By Owner May 1, 2008   Writer
Oh, I just can't get over the banter. Great, just great!
Itti Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
Sorry for writing this in three separate comments but I also wanted to say about the "I think he stole my pen" bit from God on Ian [version 2] - is a nice addition and I like!
Itti Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, and I also prefer the original lottery story. It's more original. The heart attack thing is a bit too cliché and therefore less funny.
Itti Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
Some great lines in here, including:
PETER. How did the universe begin?
GOD. I don’t know. It was here when I got here.
GOD. It’s been nice talking to you, Paul.
PETER. Peter.

Had a quick look at the second version and this bit:
PETER. What, like Godfrey?
GOD. No. Like God.
PETER. As in… [pointing skywards]
GOD. Yes.
PETER. Your parents had high expectations or something?
GOD. I have no parents.
PETER. Oh, I’m sorry.

is definitely an improvement on the original but
And by the way, that secretary you always flirt is actually a man. was better as "used to be" and is now missing a "with".

Anyway, very enjoyable reading. Well done!
vickstahs Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2008
Very witty and light-hearted piece. (: Lovely work.
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